In My Chambers: Welcome Crystal! I am excited to hear what you have to say on the “M” word: Modesty. So let’s get right to it. You say “Modesty is Hot” when the society we live in say’s “NOT”..lol. What does modesty really mean? Is it how we dress? a religion? or a lifestyle?
Crystal: Yes, I have to agree with you! A trip through some of the popular clothing stores especially during the summer is proof of just how unpopular modesty is in our society. LOL The best and I would say simplest definition I found for modesty was in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Modesty means to not show too much of a person’s body. Honestly, I would have to say that modesty encompasses all three. You see, I choose to dress a certain way because of what I believe (religion). I don’t just practice what I believe when I’m at church on Sunday or Wednesday. When you choose to apply the word of God to every area of your life it does become a lifestyle. One scripture that always comes to mind when I think about what I choose to put on my body is Romans 12:1-2. The New Living Translation says:
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Modesty is in essence a form of worship.
In My Chambers: What would you say to young women who feel that modesty is “BORING because it doesn’t attract the guys”?
Crystal: When we think about attracting a man, we have to ask ourselves what type of man am I really trying to attract. Dressing in a revealing manner has a tendency to mostly attract men that are just looking to fulfill their lustful desires. If your desire is to attract a man that will take the time to get to know you and treat you like the queen you are instead of a sex object, then it wouldn’t hurt for you to dress in a manner that will keep his eyes off your body. You want to attract someone that will respect you and unfortunately most men lose respect for women that have all their goods on display. I will admit the number of men you will attract when you choose to dress modestly will decrease, but it sure helps to improve the quality of men that choose to approach you.
In My Chambers: Were you always a modest dresser?
Crystal: I was not always a modest dresser. When I was younger, I thought I had to dress in a provocative manner to get a guy to talk to me. I desired to find love, but I attracted those that desired to have sex. I wanted someone that desired to get to know me and become my friend, but I never found what I was looking for because men were focusing on what I was showing versus who I was as a person. I discovered it’s much easier for a guy to only think about you in a sexual manner when you choose to dress in a revealing manner.
In My Chambers: Can you be modest and sexy at the same time?
Crystal: I know I’m going to mess some people up on this one, but it is possible to be sexy and modest at the same time. I think Christians hear the word sexy and automatically think it’s a sin, but it all depends on how you define sexy. Society defined sexy as someone dressed in little to no clothing or tight fitting attire to draw attention to their body. The dictionary also defines sexy as having interesting or appealing qualities; or someone that is glamorous or attractive. It is quite possible to be attractive and glamorous while dressing modestly. You can still be stylish and conservative at the same time. I know plenty of ladies that choose to dress in a modest manner and they look very good and still get a few stares from men! LOL It’s all in the way you carry yourself.
In My Chambers: What does the clothes we wear say about us?
Crystal: How you dress is a reflection of what you think about yourself. It also says a lot about who and what you represent. It’s hard for someone to believe you are a follower of Christ when everything you wear is focusing on the things of the flesh such as lust and fornication. In the work place, managers tend to mentor and promote those that dress professionally. You can be the most qualified person on the job, but miss out on job opportunities just because of how you choose to dress. It’s the same situation with the dating scene. You can be a sweet girl and wife material, but a man will not consider you for that position if you are dressed immodestly. The fact of the matter is people tend to judge you based on what you wear and what you do versus what you say. So, before you leave your house, you should think about the message your outfit is sending. Perception is everything.
In My Chambers: Do you think women who dress modestly get treated differently by men? If so, how?
Crystal: Absolutely! I’m not saying it’s right, but once again it’s all about perception. When a woman wears revealing outfits, it’s believed that she is “easy” or open to having sex. If he thinks you don’t care about yourself, he will not respect you. Therefore, when a man approaches you he has already put you in the category with the other women he only uses to satisfy his needs and then he’s gone.
In My Chambers: Have you ever felt tempted to dress immodestly to get a guys attention in or outside of the church?
Crystal: Yes, I must say I have been tempted, especially when I had experienced long droughts of guys not even glancing my way! LOL But, then I was reminded of the kind of guys I attracted when I did dress immodestly and then I was cured! LOL Whenever I’m tempted to compromise, I remind myself that my ultimate goal is to become a wife. A man is not thinking “wife” when he sees a half dressed woman. He’s thinking fling or one night stand. It’s hard for a guy to see your deeper qualities when his focus is on how much skin you’re showing. Another thing we have to remember is if you used your body to get him, you will have to use it to keep him.
In My Chambers: You have written a blog called Jewel in the Rough. How did you come up with that name?
Crystal: The name for my blog (which is also the name of my book) was birthed from a conversation I had with my pastor many years ago. I had just started my walk with Christ as an adult and I was telling him about my struggles of overcoming my past. I told him I desired to be married, but I wanted God to prepare me to be a good wife. He assured me that God was working on me and then he explained to me the concept of a diamond in the rough. It was then that I began to see myself as a jewel in the rough that was being processed by God.
In My Chambers: What is the purpose of your blog?
Crystal: The blog is my way of sharing my journey with other singles in hopes that it will encourage them as I encourage myself. There were many nights during my season of singleness that I found myself frustrated and tired of being alone. I didn’t understand the purpose of my singleness and I wanted it to be over and done with! Once I realized that no amount of crying or trying to change my marital status would help, I surrendered and allowed God to minister to me. In my blog as well as my book, I share revelations I’ve received over the years about surviving the season of singleness and preparing for your God ordained mate and marriage. I want people to know that life does not stop because you are not married with kids. Actually, this is the time to discover your purpose and enjoy life to the fullest!
In My Chambers: Lastly, what do you want marriage minded single men to know about women who choose to dress modestly? Why shouldn’t they be overlooked?
Crystal: My brothers in Christ, I want to challenge you to look pass what is pleasing to your flesh and consider your spiritual needs. A woman’s body will change in time and what you are left with is her character and morals. With that being said, think about what you will end up with when you choose to pursue someone that is dressed immodestly versus modestly. Think about who you would rather have raising your kids, managing your home and standing beside you in the community. Things of the flesh are not built to last like the things of the spirit. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you during your search for a mate so you can find the woman you can build a life with and not just sleep with. Remember, there is more time spent outside the bedroom during a marriage than in the bedroom. Choose wisely!
In My Chambers: Thank you Crystal for reminding us ladies and men that modesty is indeed Hot and a good virtue to have!!!
This has been another In My Chambers Interview with your blog host Tanika © Share with a friend. Tweet this page or Like us on Facebook for more great interviews.