IMC: Welcome to In My Chambers Mom. I’ve known you for almost 7 years now and have found you to be a consistently positive person. How did you become so optimistic and positive about life?
Veronica: Thanks for that compliment Tanika. Well…I am not sure exactly when it started, but I do remember that I have been looking on the brighter side of life from a very early age. I think it could have started from when I lived with my grand-aunt between the ages 3yrs. to 10yrs. She was a very happy and positive lady who instilled in me a spirit of thankfulness at all times. Until this day for example, just about every time I get home, I always say…”thank you Lord for taking me/us out safely and bringing us home safely”…which is something she always said.
We were poor financially but rich in other areas of life. I learned to be content and happy with the simple things in life and give God thanks. As I grew older I realized that no matter my situation in life there is someone who has it worse; so I learnt to be thankful no matter what and look for the positive in just about every situation that I faced.. For example…since I was ten years old my father was not in my life. I missed out on a lot of things including the relationship that I should have had with him; but instead of being bitter…I looked around and saw how some fathers who were in their children’s lives treated them, and said…”If my father was like any of those fathers, I thank God that he was not in my life”…and in turn thanked my mom even more for her hard work in attending to my needs, without his help. When my dad came back in my life at fifty yrs. old… I still received him with open arms and realized then, that he did me a favour by not being in my life while I was growing up.
I honestly believe that allowing God to help us be positive is one of the best if not the best way to deal with the challenges of everyday life. Thinking positive allows us to put things in perspective and act accordingly. As we know, stuff happens to all of us. Now, it is not the stuff that makes or breaks us, it is how we choose to deal with them. I choose to take the positive from the situation and move on, rather than allow negativity to rob me of the joys God has in store for me.
I agree with the writer who said that whatever you dwell on…MAGNIFIES. So, do I dwell on the negative and let it magnifies in me so that I become angry, bitter, resentful and even depressed or, do I dwell on the positive and forgive, have a light heart and look forward to the blessings of each moment. Life is short so I refuse to let anyone or anything rob me of the joys that I can have while I am here…so I choose to dwell on the positive as a way of life and let it MAGNIFIES within me.
IMC: Great quote and I couldn’t agree with you more. You know before marrying your son, it was important for me to forgive and develop a healthy relationship with my father, something that I encourage all singles to do before saying “I do.” But talking about marriage, all of your birth children accept for one are married. How do you think you may have influenced or helped them to prepare for marriage?
Veronica: I am so happy and thankful to the Lord that they have made the decision to be married…and also that Robert has been practising a positive attitude in his marriage. I think one of the first ways I may have helped my children prepare for marriage was by being married myself. I was only 18yrs. old when I got married and was in that marital relationship with their father for almost 35 years. During that time I tried my best to let them know by example and words that marriage was good and that, that was the way to go when they were ready.. Secondly, we (their dad and myself) brought them up in the Church where on a regular basis they saw people in the Church getting married and having kids…so the whole environment was conducive to getting married…and I think it was instilled in them from an early age that it was just the right thing to do.. Also, rather than point out the negative things about their father (or anyone else), I would look for the positive and talk about that, as well as try to give explanations as to why certain things were done and ideas on how to best deal with them. Usually I was caught in the middle (as my children thought I was taking up for their dad and he thought I was taking up for them). I think what I did helped to prepare them to not just to look for the negative in their prospective wife/husband, but to find the positive/good and appreciate it.
IMC: That is so amazing. You are definitely a virtuous woman.
Now, besides giving birth to six kids of your own, you were also a foster parent for many years and later adopted. Do you feel that motherhood is a calling?
Veronica: Thank you Tanika. Well…I love kids and having six meant that while they were growing up there were usually quite a few extra kids in my home at any given moment. So, adoption/fostering came as an extension of that. Now…let’s see…is motherhood a calling?
I think motherhood is more a choice than a calling. I believe that every normal female who God blesses with the ability to have children can choose to make motherhood their calling and be a good mother. I am not oblivious to the fact that some mothers seem better for the task than others…however, I still think it is a choice. As with anything else in life some people have a way of making what they do seem so easy, while others have to work harder at it. The important thing is to realize where one has a short-coming and get the help needed to do something about it. In order to be the best that she can be she has to be willing to change…if necessary…just as I had to.
During my years growing up I was very reserved and did not talk much. Instead I would be reading or working…but as my kids came along, I soon realized that whether I liked it or not I had to talk to my kids, and try to guide them hopefully in the right direction. I figured if I did not do it…who was going to? So, I had to make a conscious effort to step outside of my comfort zone for the sake of raising my kids…not perfectly…but to the best of my ability. If motherhood was indeed a calling, then some people could get away with doing a mediocre job in raising their children under the guise that they were not called to be mothers. I’ll say that any mother can make the decision to make motherhood their calling…they just have to have the desire to do what they can to dedicate themselves to the cause. Motherhood is not set aside for a select few…it is for us all.
IMC: You celebrated a birthday this past Dec, (you look great by the way) and you are embracing your singleness. In your own words what does embracing singleness mean to you?
Veronica: Yes I did and thank you my dear…you are so sweet! For me, embracing my singleness means that I accept who I am and the state that I find myself in at this time. I am making the best of what life offers me now and is still living a fulfilled life. I am quite independent and do whatever I choose to whenever I choose to do so. I would say that I am ‘whole’ and content and is not in need of any one as I am not a needy person. Life goes on even for the single person and as a single woman I have lots to thank God for every day that I am blessed with the gift of life!
IMC: I’ve met so many singles in their 60’s who have basically written off the possibility of finding love again. How do you feel about this subject?
Veronica: Well…I am in my sixties…but I am not one of those singles! I would definitely love to find that very special someone who can love and appreciate me and who I can love and cherish in return. When I was much younger, someone my age seemed so old and perhaps getting ready to depart into eternity.. However, now that I am at this age, I thank God that I feel young at heart…and even physically too…is in my right mind, is healthy, quite strong and certainly capable of loving someone. As I said before, I do not need anyone, but that does not mean that I wouldn’t want to have someone in my life…because I do. I think it would be nice to have companionship with someone who desires the same. Someone who would like to travel, sight-see, attend functions and just basically live and enjoy the rest of our lives together…while our kids live theirs. I know that I have a lot to offer to that very special gentleman and hopefully he has much to offer as well. Those who know me know that I have many positive attributes to add to a relationship.
I have always believed that once there is life there is hope; so I have hope that my knight in shining armour will appear soon! Of course that is my desire, but if the Lord wills otherwise, that’s OK too …because I am still a ‘whole’ person…(may I add without holes), who knows how to be happy while still single!
IMC: Love it! “Whole without Holes”™ I see you have been reading the SRW book Mom:).
In closing, what would be your favourite scripture ?
In closing, what would be your favourite scripture ?
Veronica: My favourite scripture is: Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report: if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
………………………A great scripture for positive thinking………………………….
IMC: I feel so blessed to have you as my mother-in-law. Thank you for your time and words of wisdom I was blessed by them and I hope others were too. Love you!!!!
©This has been another In My Chambers interview with Tanika
“God Has a Master Plan With Your Name On It!”