Welcome to another In My Chambers interview where Tanika interviews singles and marrieds on a number of topics that will inspire, encourage, enlighten and prepare future wives and husbands to be.
The SRW ministry focus for 2014 is: EMBRACING SINGLENESS
This month, I had the privilege of interviewing the lovely Judith Allen, a mother of six with a heart for God.
SRW: What is Christmas like at your house?
Judith: Christmas at my house is just LOUD. My house in the last 10 years has become the token place to be. My children and extended family always seem to just fill the atmosphere with laughter, debates and NOISE. All and all it is all love and food.
SRW: Many single moms are raising their children on their own, which can be difficult. How do you try to keep their fathers involved in your children’s lives?
Judith: This can be a difficult task because I find after a break up some men often find it difficult to be full time fathers in a non cohabitation relationship. To combat this I do my best in granting access. I try to be selfless and keep the focus on the children and what is best for them. Children don’t choose their parents and the way I see it as long as my children’s father continue to exhibit love for them and put their safety first then access to the children is at their request.
I also do my best to keep a good relationship with my children’s fathers’ family. Keeping a connection with the family allows security and bond. It gives my kids a sense of belonging and family.
SRW: We are living in a time where we are hearing words like Supermom, referring to a mom who does it all. Would you consider yourself to be a ‘supermom’? If not, why? If so why?
Judith: I don’t consider myself a supermom because I don’t think it is possible. I know it is a term of endearment to acknowledge a mother that is just doing a great job as a maternal parent but then I ask myself does that mean mother’s who are not doing what I do lesser of mothers. All I do or can do is my very best for the Children God has given me stewardship over. I let the love I have for them lead my decisions. I work hard at loving, supporting and praying for them and if that is the true definition of supermom then I guess I am.
SRW: What does the word single mother mean to you?
Judith: Single mother means a woman who is raising her child or children without a husband or male partner. This is the standard answer but to be honest it is the answer I use when placed in situations where I am stereotyped or being faced with certain expectations. The truth is no one is an island and the Lord showed me that I am never truly allow or single once I have him. The scripture the Holy Spirit used to teach me this is Isaiah 54. Once he revealed this to me I stopped calling myself a single mom and started to accept that God IS my husband and he is my Children first and eternal father and he is able to do far more than any earthly husband or father is able to do once I trust him and let him lead this family’s journey.
SRW: Your second eldest gave his life to the Lord and got baptized recently how did this make you feel?
Judith: I was just elated. It is every believers hope and passion that all their children accept the Lord as their personal savior and be saved. But it is a decision only they can make on their own and when they do it is just pure joy.
I felt so proud because he choose the Lord as his savior and first love before he encountered any of the other relational first he is going to have thru out his life journey. He chose Christ before his first girlfriend, his wife or children. This is just truly a special moment for him and a blessing for me as I look on the fruits of my labor.
SRW: As a Christian, how do you keep Christ at the centre of your home?
Judith: PRAYER and more prayer. It is the key to keeping Jesus at the centre. I know I am not doing this on my own and at times I know it is ALL Christ. So I am constantly in prayer, whether it is in the car, in the shower, in my office, just where ever and whenever I need to I just pray. I teach my children in every way and all occasion they MUST give thanks and open their mouths in prayer. Because this is our stance Christ is always the centre.
SRW: Do you feel that single mothers are stereotyped? What is that one thing that you would like single men to know about single mothers?
Judith: Yes mothers that are raising children without a husband or male partner are stereotyped. These stereotypes are so many that it would require an entire interview to discuss. We are stereotyped in government, schools, and churches and on the job. Regardless of the stereotypes I remind myself daily of who I am and what God said about me and I keep it moving.
The one thing I would like single men to know about single mothers is that we are all not looking to replace our children’s fathers. Some single men are scared that if they date a mother who is raising children alone they will automatically become the children’s fathers who then have to replace the biological father and take on that responsibility. This is not true because often times, a mother would want the man to prove their interest and love in the children before they can even get into the family. As I mentioned before children do not chose their parents and often times they are non bias when it comes to the love they share for their parents, especially when the children have a relationship with their father. Single men need to know that they have to love the single mom first in order to access the children so the initial focus should be that.
SRW: Any advice to new single moms out there?
Judith: God knows all things and in everything, every season and every trial put him first and you are never alone. The two scriptures I was given by the Lord are Isaiah 54 and Psalms 127. Meditate on this word day and night and all will be well with you. I cannot wait to be married and have a partner to share lives journey but till such a time I will just continue to do everything I do as a woman, mother, friend, sister, daughter and all the other roles I have in this life to the best of my ability.
SRW: Thank you Sis Judith for sharing such wisdom with us, it will bring much understanding to many. Your future mate will be a blessed man with you by his side.
©This has been another In My Chambers Interview.