In October many celebrate that “scary” time of year again: Halloween (ooooh). Kids dress up in costumes to say “Trick or treat! “on neighbors’ doors to load up on sugar (candy). Many of your friends have Halloween parties where you and some your friends go all the way out to dress witches and monsters, with special effects like a missing eyeball or an axe stuck in your head with blood gushing out. However, some singles have had enough real life “horror” dating experiences to celebrate Halloween most of the year! There are a few similarities between singleness and Halloween that can be scary for some single folks.
One similarity is that people play tricks during Halloween. A lot of singles play tricks, where you are expecting one thing and something totally different pops up. You meet someone and the two of you hit it off well in the beginning. The two of you begin going out and you think there’s a chance to get to know this person better and potential for a relationship. But after a few weeks, the other person starts acting differently. Both of you started out talking on the phone often, but now the other person justs texts you. In other instances, you meet someone who expresses an interest in you and wants to go out with you. But he’s all talk and no action. He rarely follows through with his plans with you. You wonder why the other person is wasting your time knowing that he’s really not that into you. Or the person you are dating says all the romantic things you want to hear and does all the right things to win your affection. Unfortunately you find out in the end, they were only using you for sex or other selfish motives. You’re tired of the games. As part of a saying in a cereal commercial for Lucky Charms cereal, tricks are for kids!
Also Halloween includes your main characters—the monsters, witches, and psychos. In horror movies, these characters rise up in the still of night and spread terror in the neighborhood. They scare people off because they feel they can. In the world of dating we have met people much like these characters. It was an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend. It may have been a person that you were not interested in, and that person just could not accept no for an answer. They kept calling you or stalking you. They may have scared off a new person you were going out with, because that new person did not want any part of that craziness. They just would not go away unless you recited a chant or poured some water on them so they can melt away. They did just about everything but spin their heads at 360 degrees and spit out venom! Eventually those persons got the hint, and the nightmare was over.
These experiences are usually temporary. We learn from them and accept it as part of the dating process. But there are deeper issues within single people that make them scared and fearful:
Some singles are scared of being alone. This reminds me of the movie “Home Alone,” when a young boy named Kevin was accidentally left behind by his family who went away on a Christmas trip. The family packed everything packed and was on the plane. That is when the mother realized she forgot one very important thing, her son and she shouted “Kevin!” Kevin was a little scared, but had no choice take care of him until his family got back. Many singles feel “home alone.” Some singles were happily married. But things quickly change after a divorce or the death of that spouse. The spouse is now alone and has to start over, learning to readjust without the other person in his or her life. That can be scary as well because you wonder if and how you can make it on your own. There are singles who are in dead end relationships because they fear being alone. They know the chemistry is no longer there or that their partner is not the one for them. Like spoiled milk, the relationship is past its expiration date. Nevertheless, they decide it is better to have somebody in their lives than no one at all.
Singles are scared of dealing with themselves. A single person who is alone is left to take personal inventory of him, where his life is going, and the changes he needs to make. That includes looking deeper into those things we do not like about ourselves, such as our weaknesses and past mistakes. This is a primary reason why some singles jump relationship with another. This does not mean you should stop dating people. It means that once you have a better understanding of who you are, you can make better choices of who you get involved with, especially if you desire to get married.
But you have now decided that you are fed up with the tricks and games played in dating. But the treat of being single is that time is on your side. Time is your friend because as long as God keeps life in your body, He gives you time to grow and be the person He has called you to be. Singles have time for personal development and preparation. Married people have the opportunity to grow as well; however, a married person does not have the luxury of being by himself as much as he wants to, because he has to meet the needs of his spouse also. A single person has a lot of solitude to get himself together and can choose to enter a relationship when he feels he is ready.
As a single person you have time to learn the lessons from your past experiences, mistakes, and relationships. As you mature and continue living you realize life is too precious and short to keep making the same mistakes. All of us have a past, have done things that make us wonder, “What was I thinking?” or realized we could have handled certain situations differently. But God has a plan for each of us, and He uses our negative experiences to bring about something positive and wonderful in our lives.
Do you know there are some married people who would give their right arm to be single as you are right now? Some have gotten married to cure loneliness, only to find out that they are still lonely with a spouse. Singleness can feel scary at times, because we fear the worst. The worst for many of us is not finding that special someone and being alone. But being alone is not nearly as scary as being married …to the wrong person. So take your time, enjoy this season and relax!
While many will be promoting scary images of Halloween, your season of singleness is not a season to be afraid of. Embrace this time with a positive outlook. Yes, a lot of us have had some crazy dating and relationship experiences to make a horror movie that would become #1 at the box office. We’ve come across a few psychos that would make Freddy Krueger and that demon possessed doll Chucky look like angels. But don’t let those experiences haunt you. Leave the “ghosts” of your past behind. Take off the masks of fear and let others see and love the real you. In time, you will receive that wonderful treat of the man or woman of your dreams that was tailor made for you!
Kristi Goines is a freelance writer and blogger in Atlanta, Georgia. She worked at CNN as a video journalist and production assistant, and is a Southern belle from Louisiana who loves seafood. You can follow Kristi Goines on Facebook (www.facebook.com/msknoel), and twitter (@mskdmples76).